Ivy Rose Reflects: Starting With Me

Over the past few weeks I've focused a lot of energy on this blog and associated YouTube channel, increasing my presence on various social media platforms. The response has been great and I appreciate all who have taken the time to stop by the blog and/or YouTube channel and show love/support. However, today I found myself spiraling down a dangerous road of thoughts about whether or not I am using my blog in the most productive of ways. Currently, its focus is primarily on my travels and my very personal experiences in yet another boost/revamp to my continuous journey in mental, emotional and physical health.

I recognize that there are so many other things going on in the world that I could be writing about-particularly as one who identifies as an African American woman (and I will when I feel ready and able to properly do so). But as I settle down from my workout this afternoon and prepare to go into my meditation for today, my mind is drawn back to all of the conversations that I've had in my classes in the past two years of my doctoral studies noting that the journey to a more just society built on the valuing of difference and not merely the tolerance of them, begins with understanding oneself.

This idea is echoed in the quotes and work of so many public figures striving toward justice and peace for all.

"If I'm not good to myself, how can I expect anyone else to be good to me?"  - Maya Angelou

"Be the change you want to see in the world" - Ghandi

“Until we have met the monsters in ourselves, we keep trying to slay them in the outer world. And we find that we cannot. For all darkness in the world stems from darkness in the heart. And it is there that we must do our work.” - Marianne Williamson

"We got a young brother to stand for something!
We got a young brother that believe in the all of us!
Brother Kendrick Lamar! He's not a rapper, he's a writer, he's an author!
And if you read between the lines, we'll learn how to love one another! But you can't do that
Right on
I said, you can't do that - without loving yourself first" - Intro to Kendrick Lamar's "i"

This idea of understanding the self--acknowledging and valuing our individual differences, uncovering our own biases, misconceptions and blind spots--is the foundation of every course I've ever taken on properly engaging with communities as an educator, researcher, counselor, health care professional, etc. It's why in every research article or book you read you'll find an entire section dedicated to the author laying out exactly who they are and how they came to this work as well as their shortcomings and limitations within it.

As I said before I will comment on all that is going on in this country and in this society. It is a part of my journey and I cannot ignore it, and trust me that is not the underlying message of this post. The very first entry of this blog (Stepping Up to the Mic) is all about me breaking my often self-imposed silence on things I previously felt like I had no right or platform on which to speak. However, self-esteem and self-love have been things that I've struggled with my entire life (as I'm sure we all have) and have greatly impacted my work and the passions that motivate me on a daily basis. I am not completely sure of what the identity of this blog will be just yet, but one of the main reasons I started it was to provide myself a little bit more of an opportunity to learn about myself.

With each workout, with each international trip, (and once school starts) each class and/or research experience reveals something else to me (and you) about myself. When do I feel like quitting? What things to I pick out as important to share? Why? What things/people/places consistently show up? How to they impact me and how I interact with and interpret the things around me? What motivates me? What inspires me? What scares me? How do all of these things manifest in my work, my social life, my research? So I guess in that regard I am using this blog as a space to do a sort of ethnographic study on myself. I've never taken the time to truly figure out who I am, what I need/want, where I see myself going and for that reason I have found myself on some slippery slopes leading down into moments of darkness I'd never thought possible.

More than anything this blog is a dialogue with myself, I've just chosen to have that conversation publicly. So follow along or not, but I hope those of you that do find a little inspiration/motivation/encouragement or whatever else you're looking for to keep on pushing in your own journeys. I did my final project (for a course that pushed me personally and academically more than any other) on the power of storytelling, which I truly believe in and used as the foundation for my teaching practices (a topic for a future post) As Maya Angelou says:

This is mine...

Enjoy the journey....

Ivy Rose Travels: Japan & Vietnam, Part 5, Ha Noi/Ha Long Bay

Ok so normally I'm able to bounce back from jet lag pretty quickly, but this time I really got my butt kicked. As you can probably tell from the posts and videos my family goes pretty hard when we travel, and I was a bit out of travel-shape. I handled it like a champ while on the trip (although admittedly there were way more cranky moments/days than a 30-year-old probably should have two weeks), but the recuperation process has definitely been interesting.

Basically, all of that was a long-winded way of explaining why I've taken such a long time to put up the last two videos and posts. I guess we should just jump right in at this point so as not to waste any more time. 

My parents and I arrived in Ha Noi relatively late at night (I believe it was some time between 10 and 11). What immediately struck me was how active the city was. Actually, that's a lie, what immediately struck me was the intense heat and humidity. I'm from Miami, so it wasn't anything I hadn't experienced before, but Miami at least cools down a bit at night. Stepping out of the airport that night it was clearly still in the upper 80s and very very humid. But once we got acclimated to that and stepped into the car the hotel sent for us, the NEXT thing that struck me was the amount of activity at this time of night. The main mode of transportation in all of the cities we visited in Vietnam are mopeds, or what some might call, scooters. For all of my Gators out there just imagine your typical day on campus except EVERYONE is riding a moped/scooter on their way to and from class--not just the athletes and brave freshmen who miss their cars.

Anyway the drive to the hotel was fairly quick and although he was sleeping when we got there, we were all very excited to finally get to spend some time with my younger (but much taller) brother, Brandon! Our hotel, The Viet View,  was very nice and had a beautiful restaurant on the top floor that had fantastic views of the city. Our suite was also very lovely, with a master bedroom and a separate sleeping area for 2-4 more people down the hall and an amazing balcony with similar views as the restaurant. Our bathroom was also very nice, although we did have some issues with flooding from the shower. The hotel management was very accommodating and provided us with a separate room down the hall where we could take our showers without having to give up our suite, which I thought was a nice compromise.

So normally I split the trip into the "stops" we made within the city, but this time it seems more fitting to use the term "adventure" since we did a couple of tours in which we made a few stops along the way:

Adventure 1: Ha Long Bay Boat Tour

My brother and our Tour guide, Tu

Our first adventure was a two-day, one-night cruise along Ha Long Bay. We crammed into a van (that luckily had pretty decent air conditioning, with two tour guides and 12 other tourists (from all over the world) and set off on a 4-hour drive to the bay. Most of our travel companions were backpackers, many were traveling as couples, but there were also quite a few single travelers, which I will note here as I plan to write a commentary/reaction piece on traveling alone in the near future. The drive wasn't too bad as I slept for most of it and our tour guide, Tu was great! We made one stop half-way through the drive for restrooms, snacks and shopping....AND BOY COULD YOU SHOP! I'll just let the pics speak for themselves.

The tour company we chose was Ha Long Dagong Sail, which is one of the mid-priced bay tour companies and overall we were very pleased with the accommodations and service. All meals are included in the package price, but any drinks on board are extra-and they push them all day. The first day on the boat we did quite a bit of exploring and made two major stops:

Stop 1:  Sung Sot Cave
Sung Sot Cave, or the Surprise Cave/Cave of Surprises was absolutely mind-blowing. We had to make a pretty decent hike up what felt like a million steps in the heat, but we were rewarded with breathtaking views and a much cooler environment inside the cave. Again, I think I'll just let pictures do the talking here.

Stop 2: Kayaking
Our next stop was kayaking around the bay, which we all felt a little too tired for due to the heat and the fact that we were repeatedly told that we couldn't swim because of jellyfish. However, we were once again rewarded with magnificent views and our guide ultimately felt that it was safe enough in our particular area for a quick swim and we all literally jumped at the opportunity to cool off. Unfortunately I don't have any pictures of the actual swimming because-well I was in the water-but my parents do and I'll link to their blogs once they put them up.


Then it was back to the boat for a sunset cruise, with one complimentary beverage and delicious fruit, followed by dinner and socializing/bed time. The next day was spent entirely on the boat and most of us tanned, tried to stay cool and slept until it was time for our cooking class and final meal. We met up with some people who were on a 3-day trip, which includes an overnight stay on a nearby island in the bay and then we all got into two vehicles (my family was lucky enough to get placed on the larger bus) and made our way back to our hotel.

Adventure 2: Food on Foot Tour

Fresh fruit

Happy Father's Day Dad!

The day we returned from Ha Long Bay was Father's Day and my mom had booked a food on foot tour as a special surprise for my dad. The tour package includes a guide who takes you through the streets of Old Quarter in Ha Noi, visiting 5-6 local restaurants so that you can sample the local cuisine. The guide also provides history of the Old Quarter and the people living there. Our guide was amazing and took us to some really awesome spots,  although he loved to play the "guess what you're eating" game, which we only failed once when we ate a mixture of meat that included ground up worms....which was surprisingly delicious.

Delicious rice cake

The tour was a great way to get a lot of information on the city in a short period of time and I highly recommend it.










We were exhausted from our boat trip and adventurous eating experience and had to head off to our next city-Hoi An, which my mother promised would be filled with tons of time to relax by the pool or on the beach. Since the last two cities were both pretty quick stops (about a day and a half in each city) with no pre-planned activities, I am going to merge them into one final blog and vlog. Hopefully I'll have them both up by Monday night at the latest.

Comments/questions/suggestions are welcomed and encouraged. Also, take some time to watch the video above.  If you think anyone else might find this post interesting and/or useful please pass it on. Make sure to follow (this blog) and subscribe (to the youtube channel) for future posts and vlogs. Many of my other series are picking back up now that I'm back in the states. As always...

Enjoy the journey...

I'm 30!!! Oh and I Vlog Now.

So I guess you all noticed that this blog bit the dust pretty quickly after I started it. My research took off, I started TAing for one of my professors and I was president of a rapidly growing student organization. Basically, my schedule went from 0 to 100 (cue Drake) and some things got pushed to the side...sadly this blog was one of them. Things are much calmer now and with the end of the school year, I have decided to revive the blog and add a little extra feature..videos! I won't say much more because this first vlog speaks for itself (it's pretty long...sorry), but I hope you all enjoy it. Check out the video, subscribe to the channel and keep checking in over the summer! It should be an exciting ride. Enjoy the journey!!

Ivy Rose Reacts: Black-ish In America

Just as the semester is finally starting to rev up, TV makes its triumphant return with Fall premieres. Luckily, I don't have classes on Thursdays because I can already tell that Wednesday nights are going to be a problem for me with the return of Modern Family, The Middle,  The Goldbergs  and the premiere of ABCs new family comedy: 'black-ish, which struck an unexpected chord with me and motivated today's post.

Here is ABC's description of the show: Andre 'Dre' Johnson (Anthony Anderson) has a great job, a beautiful wife, Rainbow (Tracee Ellis Ross), four kids and a colonial home in the 'burbs.  But has success brought too much assimilation for this black family? With a little help from his dad (Laurence Fishburne), Dre sets out to establish a sense of cultural identity for his family that honors their past while embracing the future. 

 While it may look like this generation's Cosby Show (upper/middle class black family living in suburban America), after watching the first episode I can already tell there are going to be some pretty significant differences between the two.  Where the Cosby show attempted to show that black families were just like any other American family, 'black-ish complicates that argument and attempts to shed light on the unique set of issues facing many black people in this supposed "post-racial" society we find ourselves living in today. Although I grew up in a more diverse neighborhood than that of the family on `black-ish, I connected to the show as it works to answer a question that I've been grappling with for quite some time: What does it mean to be black in America? 

The entire first episode of the show focuses on Andre (Anthony Anderson) trying to make sure his family "keeps it real", but what does that mean and why does it often seem like the answer to that question is buried at the bottom of a barrel of stereotypes created long before many of us, and our parents, were even born? While I wouldn't call myself a Don Lemon fan I did find his reaction to `black-ish  closest to mine. Yes, some of the jokes were a little overkill in their attempts to make a point, but overall the show asks America to lift the lid off of the "black box" and expand the definition of what it means to "authentically" express one's race (which by the way is not synonymous with culture). With different ethnic, economic, educational and family backgrounds black culture can differ from house to house and yet the lens through which society views black people remains small and expectations for behavior limited. 

This limited scope is what leads one word, such as urban, to cause a black face to pop into the minds of many; it's what reduces multicultural education to adding books with black and brown faces and the occasional use of a popular rap song to teach a lesson; it's what causes black college students to find themselves as the voice of their people in many of their classes and it's what places a black teenager in a hoodie walking through his neighborhood at night or playing his music too loudly at a gas station with his friends or walking across the street in the middle of the day as a threat to society.

As I continue my studies, which find me primarily focusing on the use of culturally responsive/sustaining approaches to education as a method to close opportunity and education gaps,  I stress more than ever the need for people to have a strong understanding of their racial, ethnic/cultural backgrounds as they learn to define their individual identities. However, as the face of America continues to become more diverse, our definition of what it means to be Black/White/Latino(a)/Jewish/Christian/Muslim/Male/Female/Gay/Straight and whatever other signifier you want to add to the list has to expand with it.  Maybe I read too far into what the creators of the show were trying to do, after all it is just a prime-time family comedy, but hey that's how this black-ish chick reacted to it. 

"We've finally been able to get to a place where we can pull apart the monolithic idea of one race or another and actually move the dialogue into a class or cultural conversation, realizing that there are different layers, pieces to the experience,"

        - Tracee Ellis Ross, in an interview on `black-ish

Introducing the "Coffee Shop Tour" Series

My eyes are burning, my head is pounding and my fingers feel cramped from endless underlining and margin notes....it's official. Classes are in full swing--drop/add is over and there is no turning back. Marathon sessions in the library have begun and the incessant babbling from groups working on presentations and papers (Teachers College LOVES a group project) can be heard from all corners of the 2nd floor of the library.



Speaking of the library, TC did a pretty good job of creating a space that meets multiple learning and working styles, featuring everything from a giant teddy bear to a pillow stone garden. There's even a treadmill for those who want to take multitasking to a whole new level (see pics below).  

 1st floor: Computers & Printing stations; Circulation desk; treadmills(for that extreme study experience).

2nd Floor: Talking allowed, comfy arm chairs for a cozy study session (and napping in between classes), computers, a pillow rock garden and (dirty?) giant teddy bear (he's often used as a bed as well)

3rd floor: Traditional library atmosphere complete with long tables, gorgeous desk lamps and the occasional death stare should one breathe or turn a page too loudly (kidding, kidding). 

Now all of these amenities are great, and I take advantage of them often. However,  given the extremely large amount of reading that I must do on a daily basis, limited seating availability, and the natural distractions that come along with trying to work surrounded by classmates who are also your friends, I often find myself in need of other study locations. Starbucks was my original go-to spot, but  it is nearly impossible to find a seat at any located within 20 blocks of my school and if/when I did, the constant flow of customers caused even more distraction than the campus library....thus the birth of my NEW YORK CITY COFFEE SHOP TOUR! 

The tour began in the Spring semester, and so far I have hit a number of really cool spots. Based on an analysis of some that top my list, here is what an optimal coffee shop usually offers:

1. Comfy/Creative Seating Arrangements: Now obviously I'm not looking for plush couches or seating for hundreds, but in a city that is SO crowded the biggest adjustment this Florida girl has had to make is learning to function in tight spaces. Therefore, most of the places that top my list have seating arrangements that give me a little breathing room. Also, non-conventional seating (i.e. window seats) can earn bonus points for creativity and overall atmosphere.

2. WiFi: Very few of the projects that I work on can be done without consulting the internet at some point, so not having (free) WiFi earns an immediate placement on the ONLY IN EMERGENCIES list. Additionally, a simple password that is prominently displayed so I don't have to flag down a barista/waiter/waitress to ask for it definitely earns some bonus points.

3. Both Tea AND Coffee options: Most days I need the caffeine boost from a nice cup of black coffee (that's right I drink my coffee black), but sometimes I'm full of energy and just want something hot and soothing to sip on and a nice cup of tea hits the spot.

4. Low Calorie or Healthy Food/Snack Options: Typical coffee shop snacks tend to include heavy cakes, muffins, cookies and bread. I love a place that offers lighter choices that help to keep my energy up and don't leave me feeling groggy while studying. 

5. Encouragement to "camp out" without pressure to keep buying: Nothing is more awkward than the constant stare from a barista or frequent check-ins from a waiter/waitress asking if you're ok or if there is anything else they can get you as you're trying to push through an intense reading or writing session. I typically don't stay at a coffee shop for more than 2 or 3 hours at a time, but I like knowing that even though I only bought one $2-$4 drink you're more than happy to let me occupy that table in the corner until my paper is finished. Who knows? Next time I just might bring a few friends with me or brag about your kind staff and encourage others to stop by when they too tire of the campus library scene. Customer service is everything folks. 

6. OUTLETS: Without question the hardest thing to come across in this city is a place to plug up while out and about. Access to outlets definitely outweighs all other criteria and can cause me to overlook even the snarkiest of employees while I get a little juice before heading to another spot or persuade me to indulge in one more cup or bite to eat and camp out a little longer.

7. Music: Sometimes I find wearing my headphones annoying while working (don't ask because even I don't understand why) and a nice variety of music softly playing in the background can create an awesome atmosphere that motivates and energizes me throughout my work session. While this does not usually carry very much weight in my rating of a coffee shop, much like the creative seating arrangement and password display it can help to earn some bonus points and possibly even a re-visit. 

Side Note: Location isn't really a factor because the best part of the tour is getting away from campus and exploring various parts of NY, so I don't mind venturing out into other boroughs. 

I usually get to one or two coffee shops each week (mostly on the weekends) and definitely more than that during midterms and finals when the library is EXTRA crowded. Each week I'll do a review of the shops I visit and give a detailed account of my experiences for your reading pleasure. I'll even go back and do a few of my favorites that I've already hit.  Here is a sneak peak of some of those....

Also, if you know of (or work at/own) a spot that you think meets my criteria let me know and I'll check it out AND give you a shout out! 



“I don't know where my ideas come from. I will admit, however, that one key ingredient is caffeine. I get a couple cups of coffee into me and weird things just start to happen.”
― Gary Larson (author of The Far Side)

Locker Room Revelations

A few days ago I found myself sitting on a bench in the locker room of the campus gym....crying.  I've been on a weight loss/physical fitness journey for a couple of years now and try to find my way to the gym 3-5 times a week for no less than an hour. I also pay attention to what I eat, although I don't restrict, I just make sure to have a healthy variety of things and keep portion sizes under control. You know, it's one of those "I'm not on a diet...it's a lifestyle change" type of weight loss journeys.

Anyway,  on this particular day the struggle to get to the gym took 10 hours. No part of my  mind, body or spirit wanted to be in the gym. For this reason alone I should have made it a point to avoid the scale and save my random weigh-in for a day when I was in better spirits (normally I limit visits to the scale to a monthly or bi-monthly occurrence to prevent the ups and downs of weight loss from discouraging me). But I figured that if I saw a number I liked maybe it would motivate me to push through a great workout--BIG MISTAKE. I'd gained a few pounds, which wasn't surprising since I hadn't worked out in a week and simultaneously gave into almost every NY food craving I'd missed while back in FL for the summer. Even though it was a relatively insignificant amount I found myself feeling defeated, which brings back to where this post started: Me. On a bench in the locker room. Crying.

Ultimately it took several motivating, tough love texts from my dad to get my butt off the bench and onto a cardio machine and I must admit that I felt GREAT afterwards (as usual) and even found myself back in the gym the very next day with a much better attitude and results in terms of overall calories burned.


So how does this little break down relate to my journey in my doctoral studies, and why do I think any of you would care?

After finishing the first week of my second year, it seems like things are falling into place, but I can already hear the voices in my head that constantly make me question whether I made the right decision to come back to school--if all of this is worth it. I mean I'm a full-time student, I'm making little-to-no money and racking up tons of debt, I spend endless hours reading and writing and some days it feels like I'm moving further away from the finish line as research projects get put on hold or fall through altogether.  But then I think about the personal growth that I've made: the conviction with which I can speak on the things I believe (and the confidence I've gained to do it), the increased strength of my academic/scholarly writing, and the courage I summoned up to step into a leadership position on campus, just to name a few. Similar to my weight loss journey, it's become less about the surface level results, the measurable/visible achievements and accolades received along the way--but more about the lessons that I learn about myself and the growth that I make in not only accepting the woman I am, but loving her fiercely.

I love quotes so there will be one somewhere in every post of mine. As I wrote this I kept thinking back to one that I stumbled across a couple of months ago:

Dance. Smile. Giggle. Marvel. TRUST. HOPE. LOVE. WISH. BELIEVE. Most of all, enjoy every moment of the journey, and appreciate where you are at this moment instead of always focusing on how far you have to go.”
― Mandy Hale

No matter your journey, take a moment (or two, or five, or twenty) to acknowledge and celebrate the "below the surface", immeasurable, personal triumphs you've made along the way. Use them as your motivation to keep going in those inevitable times when you feel overwhelmed or defeated.That being said it's ok (and sometimes necessary) to sit down on a bench, cry and text it out with someone you love when you need a little extra push.

                                                                          (Photo credit: http://www.keepcalmandposters.com/posters/1029.png)

Stepping Up to the Mic

"Silence is the residue of fear....So this year, instead of giving something up, I will live every day as though there is a microphone tucked under my tongue."
 - Clint Smith

That quote from slam poet and educator Clint Smith's Ted Talk, "The danger of silence" (go ahead take the 4:18 to watch the video),  was the final push I needed to take the leap and venture into the world of blogging. I've always been quite the talker and an avid writer, keeping a journal (or two) since I was seven, but somehow after 6 years of undergraduate and graduate school I lost my voice. Much like the experiences Clint Smith speaks of (seriously watch the video...it's powerful), I found myself in situations where it felt safer and smarter for various personal and professional reasons to just keep my thoughts, opinions, questions, objections, etc. to myself. Now in the last year of my 20s, with four years of classroom teaching, two summers of training teachers for one of the most controversial organizations around, and one year of doctoral studies under my belt I no longer feel the need to hide behind my silence. 

So here I am: 29 years old, single, one of three Black women in a doctoral cohort of 16 at an Ivy League institution in the middle of New York City. I'm an educator at the very core of my being, but spend just as much--if not more--time seeking knowledge as I do sharing it. I've learned to live each moment intentionally while making sure to have as much fun as possible along the way. I'm a Florida girl at heart and am most at peace lying on the sand looking out into the ocean, but I've never felt more alive than I do in the bright lights of the concrete jungle. Some might say that I am a "true Gemini" riding a constant roller coaster of emotions, but that just makes the journey more exciting in my opinion. 

This is a blog to entertain, to teach, to share, to open myself up, to push myself, to give back, to learn, to take in, to expand my world, to process and on many occasions to vent. I'm terrified and excited to invite the masses into my mind--and for those of you choosing to enter take this as your official warning that it's often a crazy, jumbled mess in there. But here I go...time to step up to the mic....

 (Photo credit: http://dogwoodinitiative.org/blog/mob-the-mic-success/image/image_view_fullscreen)